WELCOME TO BIGFOOT FACTORY.
Don't let the hairy, scary name fool you.
We might be a wild bunch of knuckle-draggin', mouth-breathin', tiny IQ fools, but we are drop dead serious when it comes to one single, solitary subject . . . SOCCER!
Bigfoot Factory is a brand-new brand of butt-ugly tees for "The Beautiful Game". Addicted to soccer. Obsessed with fashion. Yep, that pretty much sums us up to a (LAME PUN ALERT!) tee, quite literally.
Here are the 100% true, factually correct, non-fictional facts about Bigfoot Factory.
Fact #1: Bigfoot Factory is friggin' awesome.
Fact #2: See Fact #1.
(There is no Fact #3 'cause we're currently caught in an "offside position" with your soccer momma. Oh snap! Peep her perky pair of plastic orange "practice cones". No hands allowed, fellas.)
Please forgive us. Sometimes our microscopic mind is even dirtier than our colossal cleats. Now, what were we sayin'? Oh yeah.
Great selection, super prices, friendly service -- sorry, you'll find NONE of that crap here. Dressing soccer players for success is our only goal; undressing cheerleaders after matches is our only passion (especially if they're smokin' hot).
Oops. Our bad. Apparently, there's no limit to how low our little libido will go. We better shut our sassy, Sasquatch potty mouth right now before the blind-as-a-bat ref bitch slaps us with a red card for excessive trash talk.
In conclusion, Bigfoot Factory, unfortunately, isn't a million dollar soccer business (yet), but we're a business with a one in a million sense of humor about soccer. At least, we hope you think so.
The time for Bigfoot Factory's hibernation is over.
Our season of domination starts now and will never end.
Yeti or not, here we come!
And, remember, every day is a beautiful day to play "The Beautiful Game" in a butt-ugly tee from Bigfoot Factory.
WARNING: SHOPLIFTERS WILL BE SLIDETACKLED!
TOP SECRET, UNDISCLOSED INTERNATIONAL WORLD HEADQUARTERS OF THE UNIVERSE
4630 Wornall Road
Suite A3
Kansas City, Missouri 64112
United States of Soccer-Crazed America
(p) 913-424-2605, (f) 816-216-7830
brent@bigfootfactory.com
Please contact us with your questions, comments and death threats during normal business hours (24/7/365) and one of our abnormal employees will be happy to assist you.